Sunday, June 1, 2014
The lessons we learn
Today we talked on a talk by Linda Reeves about Protectionfrom Pornography and the topic was strange it started out as a discussion on protecting ourselves to protecting our children and building a good relationship so that we can teach them how to direct their own course away from the wicked things of the world. All the while we were talking couldn’t help but reflect on the things that I have taught my son and a friend of mine who passed away. Both examples of the things I discussed were a great influence.
One of the things that we discussed was first establish a relationship of trust. Children will be more eager (and I guess friends to) if you care about what they like. My son listens to what I care about because I care about the things he cares about. He wants me to know that games of all kinds are part of his interest. My friend Christine before she passed had a strong interest of her boyfriend, family, volunteer service and job. Because I was willing to show genuine interest in what they felt was important, the things that I felt important were listened to.
I have taught my children and my friends a few things, because I want my children to avoid things that are poison to the mind and body to treat your relationships as an opportunity to really get to know someone. Porn teaches lust and objectism (ok it’s not a word but you get the idea; someone is an object and should be treated like such). Hormones, kisses, sex and such are good things but like fire that is not honed and controlled can result in a bon fire that is out of control. The damage done from a wild fire is repairable but could have been avoidable. The same is true for porn and things like it; avoidable and preventable. Teaching children to know that kissing is safe but that ‘soul’ kissing is dangerous teaches them the difference between a match and blow torch; both can be used to ignite kerosene but one clearly over does it; could cost you your life or just your eyebrows. Some of the rules of dating I taught to my friend Christina, my children at the time were too young but I aim to pass them along so that they get it too.
“Christina, take your time to build relationships and you too can have the relationship that [my wife] and I, your Mom and Dad have. There were rules that [my wife] and I always followed on our dates and here they are....
[Ihave to] a PLAN date. I knew where I was going on the date. [I was] PAYING for the date; if there was money involved, I was paying for the date. [I should be] PREPARED for the date; if there was any prep needed (what to wear or have on your person) I made sure that [my date] knew.
Other rules we had been Rule of the Trinity. Avoid being alone; date in public and/or with friends. Avoid being in the dark; learn what they are like in the light. The great dates are in the light. No movies (there is no communication or learning and it’s in the dark). Avoid lying down; this is self explanatory.
Any combination is fire but all three was the absolute fire.
Finally when things are getting to hot and heavy, [my wife (then my girlfriend)] was the one to initiate Water Breaks. That’s when the kissing is too much and the touching is too much and its time to break apart before something happens. She would yell "OK we need a water break and then get away from me so that she could clear her head, maybe get a drink but definitely get away from the kissing and touching.
One you can pass on to your nieces and nephews (and children should you have some) is the two feet rule.
The door is two feet open. You are two feet apart from your date/interest. Two feet on the floor at all times.
At any rate I am now rambling. Good luck and God bless.”
An excerpt from my message to my find Christine.
It has been two years since I gave that wisdom to Christina and I will give that wisdom to any one interested and at most my sons and daughter who will one day have an interest in girls and boys and will internalize that and keep them safe and informed. Kids are smart but do dumb things (sometimes) but if they have a good relationship with parents they will then at least be willing to talk about things before they happen or things when after they happened. We want kids to talk to us no matter what. Like our Heavenly Father, we want our kids to be eager to avoid mistakes because they were well taught or come to us (and those that would help) if they have made mistakes. My friend lost her life to a disease and will always be missed but I hope that the things that I taught her will be a asset and blessing to her in the next life as it is to my kids in this one.
Hopefully I will have armed my children my with wisdom and have given you something to share...
The picture is of my friend Christina (August 1985 to November 2011)